Kate's Playlist
by LuvIzEverything
Summary: She has a special playlist. Each song on the list has been carefully selected for specific reasons. Every time she listens to the songs, her memories come flooding back into her thoughts...
1. Chapter 1

She's walking to work today, feels like doing something good for the environment, plus she'd left her car at the precinct since she wasn't on call for the past two days. It's beautiful out, clear sky and perfect temperature. The only thing that would make this moment better than it already is would be her hand intertwined with a certain writer man who has very recently become her one and done. She'll see him as soon as she gets to work though, and smiles because she knows he'll be toting her morning coffee goodness along with her bear claw. Mmm…delicious; her stomach growls just at the thought of it and she instantly picks up her pace so she can get to all three of them sooner. "Oh," she whispers and feels herself suck in a big gulp of air. Her stomach does another flip flop, but this time it's not because of her hunger but more a result of her reaction to the song that's just begun playing in her ears. It's the song she chose to put on her 'Castle' iPod playlist after her first morning with him. Her most favorite morning of her entire life, one she still daydreams about. She turns it up, smiling like a fool walking through the streets of her city, hunger forgotten as she remembers.

* * *

I feel sweet, do you feel sweet?

It's amazing

I have no skin, and I feel everything

It's amazing

I feel good, when you feel good, I knew I would

And it's amazing

I've wanted this for so long; now the deed has been done

We shall rise with the sun, and spend our time as one

Now there is no sin, in anything

And it's amazing

I love life, I hope you do to, 'cause I love everything

It's all amazing

I feel you, do you feel you?

I understand, when they say we're born again

'Cause I feel born again, I'm born again

And it's amazing

And it's the best thing, and it's glorious

It's life changing, this feeling

Is amazing

It's in the stars, in the sun

It's everywhere, in everyone

And it will be everyday, from now on

From now on, we are one

And it's amazing

**-Amazing, One eskimO**

_Kate's eyes flutter as she feels warm breath tickling her ear. His hot, wet, tongue wraps itself around her lobe, he softly sucks, and she experiences a slight pulling sensation as he captures it between his lips. It feels so good, and the tingling has already begun to travel south in her body, leaving a trail of pure desire behind._

_She opens her eyes, out of the corners watches his head move slowly in time with the feelings she's experiencing on the left side of her face. His warm, naked body is pressed against her side and his leg is possessively wrapped over her thigh and draped down perfectly between the two of hers. She turns her body to face him and slides her arm around the middle of his torso eventually leaving them to rest in the center of his lower back…very lower back. She pushes her pelvis into him before she speaks._

"_Morning Rick," she says huskily, looking into his beautiful deep blue eyes. _

_She smiles and looks down shyly, her eyelashes ticking his nose as they flicker closed. She giggles, and then leans in touching her soft lips to his. She lingers, and pushes even further into him so her nose squishes into the side of his as her tongue begins to slide across his bottom lip. She pulls back a bit, opens her eyes to get a peek of him only to find his wide open and staring at her with so much love. It lasts for just a few seconds before he dives back towards her, pushing his tongue through her open lips and swirling it with hers. He wraps his hands around her neck and then glides them along her smooth skin before grasping her hips and rolling her onto her back pushing her further into the mattress with his strong large frame. _

_He moves away from her lips, slathering butterfly kisses along her jaw and up towards her ear again. God his mouth feels so good roaming all over her body; last night he drove her wild just tasting every inch of her with his luscious lips. He lingers a few seconds before moving down the side of her neck and across her collar bone, and then he's moving upward again along her throat and under her chin eventually ending up right back at her lips. He's plunging his tongue into her mouth again this time forcing a moan along with it. He's so turned on; she feels it pushing against her inner thigh and her body instantly reacts to him by moving her thighs slowly apart. They've only been together in this way for mere hours, but they are so in sync. It's like her body was made for his, he is her perfect; but somewhere deep down she knew this was the case…it's why she worked so hard to tear down her wall._

_He pulls away, finally speaking, "good morning baby, did you sleep well?" He's leaning on his forearms now, just gazing down at her so seriously._

"_If you call that sleep…then yes, I had the best sleep of my life." _

_She squints her eyes a bit as she smiles at him like she never has before. It's big and beautiful, all of her teeth showing, and her tongue curled behind just itching to push through. It's sexy and full of love and her eyes seem to sparkle in the most striking way adding to the love that's beaming at him from her sleepy face. She moves up and kisses him again; she just can't get enough of him, nuzzling their noses together and running her fingers up and down his back and shoulder blades. _

"_Say it again, Kate" he whispers in her ear as she's torturing his already fuzzy brain with her delicate touches and intimate gestures._

_She wants him to see her face this time, her eyes. "I love you, Rick. I love you so much." She stares into him for a few short seconds careful that he sees her love. Then she seals her words with a kiss so tender it brings a tear to her eye._

"_Hey, what's that for," he quietly asks, kissing the tear away with his lips._

"_I'm so happy for us…that we finally made it here. My wall is gone Rick, obliterated…for me, for you, for us…so we can have a beautiful future." She's watching him carefully, unsure a little of what his reaction may be._

"_No more secrets?" He kisses her lightly on the side of her right cheek, before moving back to his clear view of her gorgeous face._

_She smiles with closed lips, almost a little smirk, "Well maybe a few secrets, but not about us."_

"_I like this you, sweetheart. I've wanted this for so long and you're finally here. And it's perfect," he shakes his head slightly in amazement careful not to break the eye contact they have, "it's perfect Kate, everything you do is extraordinary and we're gonna make this work, you'll see." _

_He leans in closer and kisses her long and deep and she's lost again in his world. The world she worked so hard to join. It's the first morning of the rest of her life, she feels incredible and free and safe and loved. It's the most amazing combination of feelings. Yes, amazing. He feels amazing surrounding her body, causing her to cry out in beautiful ecstasy._

_There are rays of sunlight dancing all over his body, making him look as if his skin is glowing. He's really very lovely, and he's all hers, for always. Always. It makes her giddy, thinking about it as her eyes roam up his back around his muscled shoulders, arms, and finally to the side of his face that's facing her. His eyes are closed, he's sleeping and he looks so adorable with his lips squished into the mattress. She's lying exactly next to him, face turned so it's the same but opposite, affording her the ability to just stare at her love. She reaches out and with the very tips of her fingers barely touches his skin, almost checking to make sure this is all real. _

_The sheet is covering only her rear and upper thighs, the rest of her skin exposed to the warm sun just like his. He must feel her staring or her fingers skimming his arm because he opens the one eye that is exposed and then the other that's hidden. He doesn't say a word, but looks over and down the length of her naked body and right back up meeting her green eyes. She knows he was paying close attention to the curve of her lower back and the creamy white flesh of the side her breast sneaking out from under her; but this just makes her feel sexy and she loves that he thinks she's beautiful. His eyes are so blue and for a least a moment they just stay this way, eyes caught in a gaze, silently staring deep inside._

"_I love you," he delicately says "want some coffee?"_

"_Always" she purrs in response and carefully moves her hand down his arm wrapping her pinky around his and bringing his palm up to her lips for a kiss. She buries her face in his hand, and hugs his arm close to her body, "you make the best coffee baby."_

* * *

Kate finds herself at almost a run; she needs to see him right now, needs to look into the eyes of her Castle. Why the hell did they think it was a good idea to spend the night apart? As she's opening the door to the precinct she's telling herself that this can't happen again. She'll tell him that they…she stops dead in her tracks.

"Kate," she hears him yelling behind her. She'd know his voice anywhere.

Turning on her heels, she walks over to him, smiling as she grabs his hand, dragging him into the elevator. They're alone and she can't resist the opportunity to be close to him so she lunges forward, pushing him back into the wall before attacking his lips with passionate kisses.

"Whoa, Kate, not that I'm complaining…but you're breaking your own rule of PDA at work? What's going on?" He's grinning at her, like he's just won some sort of fierce battle.

"Yeah, well I missed you; we're gonna have to do something about this Castle," she dives in for seconds on his kisses.

Then suddenly it's over, and she's stepping back straightening her clothes and hair. The elevator door dings and she grabs the coffee and pastry from his hands leaving him stunned by her whirlwind performance. The doors open and she starts to walk out…turning back a second later.

"You coming Castle?" she questions, smiling that deliciously devilish smile that never ceases to render him speechless.

"Huh? Umm…yup! Here I come Kate," he's following her over to their desk and sitting down in his chair.

"What's gotten into you this morning Detective?" he asks.

"Oh Castle, you have no idea," and then she leans closer and speaks to him in a low husky tone he knows all too well, "but if you behave today, I promise to share with you later." She backs away but not before winking and flashing one of her sexy little smirks, and thinking to herself that this was about to become a seriously long-ass day!


	2. Chapter 2

She's lying on her couch, head resting on Castles lap, book in her hands. His feet are balancing on the edge of her coffee table, and he's got a book in his grasp as well. It's Saturday, and they've been like this for hours, perfectly comfortable and content. He'd put on some music before they sat down so it wouldn't be so quiet, and so the songs from her iPod have been randomly playing softly ever since. The one that's playing now is a particular favorite of hers, and for some reason she feels the need to put down her book and turn so she can watch him while she listens to the words. He's so lost in what he's reading he doesn't seem to notice but continues to lovingly stroke her hair with his free hand. The combination of this and the music is mesmerizing and she feels herself fading into the trance of memory as she stares at his beautiful features.

* * *

Light reflects from your shadow  
It is more than I thought could exist  
You move through the room  
Like breathing was easy  
If someone believed me

They would be  
As in love with you as I am  
They would be  
As in love with you as I am  
They would be  
In love, love, love

And every day  
I am learning about you  
The things that no one else sees  
And the end comes too soon  
Like dreaming of angels  
And leaving without them  
And leaving without them

Being  
As in love with you as I am  
Being  
As in love with you as I am  
Being  
As in love, love, love

And with words unspoken  
A silent devotion  
I know you know what I mean  
And the end is unknown  
But I think I'm ready  
As long as you're with me

Being  
As in love with you as I am  
Being  
As in love with you as I am  
Being  
As in love, love, love

**-Angels, The xx**

_She watched him turn on his heels and walk out of the precinct; not even remotely shy about the way her eyes linger on his perfectly shaped rear and the way it moves with each step he takes. A smile graces her beautiful lips. If everything goes as she dreams it to, he will be hers someday and his delicious bum will be there to do whatever tickles her fancy. There's just this issue of her wall, and the process of tearing it down. But she's ready, this case proved that. He was so patient despite her desperate ploys to push him away and dive into her rabbit hole even further. _

_Now she owes him coffee. One hundred to be exact, and she plans to pay him back with every single one of them because when she's done it will be time. It will be their time to move forward together, and happy, and free of the dark bondage that's held onto her life for so long._

_This how she finds herself sitting across from him, in the comfortable black leather chair. Asking him to help her, because she is finally ready to put everything behind her and accept what life has given her. Talking helps her; he listens, and his questions help her see things more clearly. She always leaves feeling a bit more free; Dr. Burke is the first psychiatrist that's ever been able to have that effect on her._

_Music plays in the background, she's lounging in a bubble bath sipping on wine,and allowing all the remaining emotions from this sniper case to dissolve away into the dwindling suds floating around her body and tickling her skin. It's almost as if each feeling, each lingering moment in her brain pops along with the slow popping of the soapy white floating foam. The lyrics to his song hit home, and she finds herself making a mental note to add it to her playlist because it reminds her of him, and the place she finds herself at right now. Discovering and ready to love him for always._

_The doorbell rings, it's late, and she isn't expecting visitors or Castle so she grabs her gun as she hollers towards the door, "who is it?" A delivery…huh? She isn't expecting anything…so she cautiously peeks through the peephole and gasps at what she sees. She places her gun on the table next to her and opens the door to take the massive bouquet, thanking the delivery person and making her way over to the kitchen to deposit the floral albatross on the countertop. It's breathtaking…white calla lilies and roses mixed in with mauve lilacs. It smells heavenly, but who would be sending her flowers she wonders…especially this late at night? Her brain flickers to Castle, but then she dismisses it rapidly. He wouldn't do that…would he?_

_She moves around the counter looking for a note, but finds none. Her iphone lights up and buzzes from over on living room table, alerting her to a new text message. She pads over to it with her bare feet, this is all very strange, it's nearly 10 at night and normally she only has visitors or phone calls if a murder has taken place or Lanie has a night off._

_The text is from him. He wants to know if she likes them. Well, there's one mystery solved, and she didn't even need to use her detective skills. _

_She types back 'yes, they're lovely, thank you', and waits. _

_Her phone buzzes seconds later and she reads his one word response, 'Always', and she knows she should leave it at that but she's curious. She wants to know-needs to know, why he sent them, why tonight. So she asks, and hopes she doesn't regret it. _

_Again her phone lights up, 'I just thought you might need something beautiful to look at after the past few days'._

_Oh. He's doing it again…catching her off guard with his thoughtfulness. 'You always seem to know just what I need, how is that?' She presses send._

_Seconds pass, but it feels like minutes. And then finally, 'I just know Kate'._

_She doesn't know how to even respond to that. It's too soon to go there, she's not quite ready, and it will open all kinds of spaces she's not ready to venture into tonight. She's in the process of typing 'night', when a new message comes in from him so she deletes the 'night' and reads what he has to say._

'_White roses mean I love you still and always will, Lilies mean majestic beauty, and lilacs mean do you still love me', and then another message flashes right after, 'Just think about it, I'm not looking for answers, just want you to know that I'm here and will be until you're ready…until tomorrow, sleep well'_

_Her brain is on overload, this man cannot possibly be real. How does she even respond to all of this? She'll just keep it simple, that's the best idea. 'Night Castle, see you tomorrow, and thank you again it was very thoughtful'_

* * *

She doesn't realize she's smiling so much until his voice brings her back to earth. It takes her a minute to register what he's asking her before she responds.

"Yeah baby, I'm good, just this song reminds me of the night you sent me the flowers after that sniper case a while back." She can't help it, she still just smiles and stares into his blue eyes.

"Oh?" His eyebrows lift in question; he wants her to tell him more.

"Yeah, that was a very romantic thing to do," she's moving now, turning her body and crawling over towards his lap, straddling him and finally settling down in just the right spot. She's looking right into his eyes, and her lips are just inches from his.

He wraps his arms around her body and settles his hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "Well aren't you just lucky to have such a romantic boyfriend detective."

She leans in, kissing him, sucking his lip into her mouth and pulling before releasing it and moving her tongue along to erase any of the pain she may have just caused. She nuzzles their noses together and then pulls her head slightly back so she can look into his eyes one more time, "You have no idea…."

"I think I'm starting to, my girlfriend is very, very thankful," and he's kissing her neck moving up towards her ear. His hands slip from the protection of the pockets and slide up and under her shirt, finally reaching the warm soft skin of her lower back.

"Then I suppose now would be a good time to properly thank you for them then? I don't believe I ever showed you just how much I appreciated you kind gesture," her voice is low, husky, and she's struggling to keep her eyes open with the sensations he's creating along her jaw line and behind her ear.

He's whispering in her ear now, "Yes please sweetheart, show me how grateful you are," and then he pulls her lobe into his warm wet mouth, swirling his tongue around it and pulling on it gently. His hands grab the hem of her shirt, and he slides it upwards helping her lift it over her head and off of her body.

Brown curls gently fall over her shoulders and frame her gorgeous face. She's smiling at him lazily, her eyes are wide and dark green, and then she's moving her face towards him, eyeing up his lips before taking another taste. She moans softly, because he tastes so delicious, and then slowly glides her palms down over his chest and across his stomach to remove his grey t-shirt and begin what she has just promised awaits her perfect love.


	3. Chapter 3

His eyes. Never in her entire life had she seen more beautiful blue eyes. They were clear and brilliant, and depending on the time of day or his mood they reflected different shades of the beautiful cerulean color. She noticed this on the first day she'd ever met him, the day she waited in line over an hour to have him sign her book. She just stood there talking to him while he signed inside the cover of his latest Derrick Storm novel, but her mind was elsewhere fantasizing about what it would be like to just look into his eyes for hours, what the color blue would reflect when he was overcome with desire and passion and lust. She'd spent hours, days, weeks, years daydreaming about these eyes and their owner ever since.

Over the past five years she had been given the opportunity to get to know his eyes very intimately. She could tell just by looking at them if he was happy or sad despite his body language, she was able to witness firsthand the dark shade of indigo they became just before he kissed, she saw the cobalt fear reflected when she was bleeding to death in his arms. The shy joy when he first visited her in the hospital after the doctors had saved her life was reflected in a steely grey with little sparkles of navy, but her favorite shade was the blue that she saw when he looked at her with pure, true love. It was a hue she had never seen before and couldn't really explain it if she tried, but she was sure that it was only for her, her own personal shade of blue, and it made the color all the more sexy and perfect.

Hearing the lyrics to this song took her back to a day that she puts in the category of 'worst days ever'; sandwiched right between her mom's murder and the day she was shot. That random day that she looked at him and saw only black, frightened her to death. There was no sadness, no joy, and no love, all she saw was a blank pair of eyes looking back at her. He was lost; she thought she had lost him. She assumed she had waited too long to tell him he was her love. The thought of this had reduced her to a broken mess as soon as she closed the door to her loft that night. Her perfect had slipped away from her, and the reality of this had broken her for the second time in her life.

* * *

You are the hole in my head  
You are the space in my bed  
You are the silence in between  
What I thought and what I said

You are the night-time fear  
You are the morning when it's clear  
When it's over your start  
You're my head, you're my heart

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
I never knew daylight could be so violent  
A revelation in the light of day  
You can choose what stays and what fades away  
And I'd do anything to make you stay  
No light, no light  
(No light)  
Tell me what you want me to say

Through the crowded islands crying out at me  
In your place there were a thousand other faces  
I was disappearing in plain sight  
Heaven help me I need to make it right

You want a revelation  
You want to get it right  
And it's a conversation  
I just can't have tonight  
You want a revelation  
Some kind of resolution  
You are the revelation

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
I never knew daylight could be so violent  
A revelation in the light of day  
You can choose what stays and what fades away  
And I'd do anything to, to make you stay  
No light, no light  
(No light)  
Tell me what you want me to say

But would you leave me  
If I told you what I've done  
And would you leave me  
If I told you what I've become  
'Cause it's so easy  
To sing it to a crowd  
But it's so hard, my love  
To say it to you, all alone

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
I never knew daylight could be so violent  
A revelation in the light of day  
You can choose what stays and what fades away  
And I'd do anything to make you stay  
No light, no light  
Tell me what you want me to say

You want a revelation  
You want to get it right  
But, it's a conversation  
I just can't have tonight

You want a revelation  
Some kind of resolution  
You want a revelation  
You want to get it right  
But, it's a conversation  
I just can't have tonight

You want a revelation  
Some kind of resolution  
Tell me what you want me to say

**-No Light No Light, Florence + the Machine**

"_So, now that we're together, and you're mine there's something I need to know," she was looking into his eyes, her hair splayed across his white pillowcase, her naked body and limbs entwined with his. She was biting her lip giving credence to her nervousness about bringing up this conversation._

"_I'm yours huh? I thought you were mine? I mean…" his fingers are tickling her lower back where his hands are lazily caressing her soft skin._

"_Castle," she cuts him off and gently pushes her hips into him, "Stop it, I'm trying to ask you something serious."_

_He leans into her lips and softly brushes his warm mouth over hers, "Sorry Kate, what is it? What do you want to ask me?"_

"_What happened that day when we were investigating that protest rally bombing? I lost you for a bit, but you've never told me why." She's staring into his eyes ready for whatever he fires at her, but mostly searching for truth._

"_I heard you, I was in the room behind the mirror Kate, and I heard you telling that suspect that you remembered everything when you were shot," he's gripping her skin and pulling her closer to his body as if to reassure himself that she is real and laying next to him in his bed._

"_What? Oh, god Castle, I…I never meant for you to find out that way, you have to know that." Her eyes pool with the tears forming, she loved this man more than anything and now everything was making sense._

"_I know that now, but at the time I felt like such a fool," his head is squished into his pillow but his eyes are staring into hers and he's liberating himself by finally allowing her to understand something he's been keeping secret for a while now._

_She places her hand on the side of his cheek, caressing it and allowing it to travel down and around his neck over his throat and back up before she lets is stay there, her fingers wrapping around his ear. "Oh, baby I'm so sorry," she kisses his cheek and then the corner of his mouth as she nuzzles her nose against the side of his._

"_It's funny how you can know someone and yet not know them at the same time," he says softly moving his hand up to clasp her fingers in his._

"_Yeah, what do you mean?" Her face pulls back and she moves her eyes together in a thoughtful, curious look._

"_I thought that you didn't say anything to me because you were embarrassed, because you didn't feel the same. I just assumed because I had no idea you were seeing Dr. Burke. I had no idea you were doing all of that because you wanted to be with me." He's smiling now, and moving his lips to her neck to smell her hair and kiss the soft spot just behind her earlobe._

"_I loved you then you know," her fingers tracing his bicep that's free from the sheet that's covering them, "But it wasn't time yet, I wasn't ready, and I wanted us to have the best chance."_

"_Kate..."_

"_Rick, I don't ever want to feel that way again. I can't lose you; I won't survive it, not now. Not now that I know what we can be together, you…you're my everything, and I will do anything to protect this," she kisses his lips looking up into his eyes._

"_I know that now, you have nothing to worry about. I've told you already we're amazing together, and I love you too much to let you go." He smirks at her and his eyes twinkle with love and joy._

"_I love you too," she mumbles into his skin tickling it with her soft lips._

_He flips her over onto her back and pushes her body into his bed with his warm strong torso, she gasps in surprise and then loses herself to the kisses he's trailing across her neck and down between her breasts and along her soft toned belly._

* * *

She smiles remembering the rest of how that Sunday morning went, her cheeks flushing at the mere details of it. Thank god she was on her way over to Castle's loft for dinner, and then movie cuddle time. It would only be minutes until she would be kissing his hot lips while she ran her hands around his waist and up over his shoulder blades. She couldn't wait to listen to him tell her about his day so she could lose herself in the deep tone of his voice. He had become her safe place, her sanctuary and she was so grateful for that every day of her life now. She had gotten up, pulled herself out of her rabbit hole, wiped herself off from all the terrible things that had happened to her, and found herself strong and able to love. And after all that, after all the patient waiting, and missed chances for conversations with honesty, they had found happiness. He was still hers, his eyes still had that shade of blue only for her, and they were magic together. He had told her once that she needed to believe in magic, and now she could honestly say she did.


End file.
